Mixed Emotions

Joy…Sorrow…Confusion…Contentment…Anger…Frustration…Questions… 

It is with great sorrow that I write these words today, letting you, my family and friends, know that my paternal grandmother suffered a severe stroke and heart attack yesterday evening and passed away quietly this morning around 3 am. 

I titled this post, “Mixed Emotions”, for the simple fact that those are exactly what I am feeling today.  As most of you remember, we said goodbye to my paternal grandfather only a short 3 months ago.  The pain of that loss was just settling in for many in my family, especially during this holiday season.  We never anticipated this great loss to come so quickly. 

I think about how hard it has been for my grandmother these past three months, living with out her one true love and dealing with the loneliness that comes with losing a spouse after more than 60 years of marriage. I, as a widow myself, understand the sadness of losing a spouse only after just 6 years of being together, I can not imagine the loss after several decades of being together. However, I don’t think any of us could have predicted that her broken heart would cause us to lose her so quickly. 

My Nana was a quiet woman. She loved to sit in her chair and enjoy her TV shows. In fact, just the other day my dad and I were talking about The Wheel of Fortune and I was telling him how when ever I watch The Wheel of Fortune, I always think about Nana. I remember that she always loved to watch that show! 

She was an Irish-New Yorker! Surly she didn’t take “crap” from anyone and some might consider her rough-around-the-edges, but she had a kind soul. When Daniel was sick, she always made a point to send cards and letters to let us know that she was thinking about us and praying for us. She always sent us gifts as small children and this year she was sure to send Sierra a special card and treat for Christmas. When I talked to her last Friday, I thanked her for the gift she sent to Sierra and told her how thoughtful it was for her to think of Sierra. It stuck in my memory when she said, “I know it wasn’t anything real big, but I wanted to do something.” I responded by saying, “No, it was perfect and very sweet of you to even think about her.” I told her how we were going to place the gift in Sierra’s piggy bank and maybe someday Sierra could use the money to get her ears pierced; very naively, I assumed Nana would be around to see that day. 

My Nana was a fighter! In her long life, she faced so many medical battles and overcame every single one of them. She never allowed multiple cancers, diabetes, or any other medical problems to touch her; instead it was a broken heart that would lead her home. 

My grandparents lived a long life together; traveling many miles up and down the East coast, raising 4 children, loving 8 Grandchildren, and 7 Great-Grandchildren. It was a long journey for both of them and it seems that 3 months was too long for them to be apart. 

True love was reunited in Heaven today and now we are the ones left with the broken hearts.

Happy Birthday Jesus

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” -which means, “God with us.” When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

Matthew 1:18-25

We pray that you all are blessed by the most perfect gift of all today, the gift of a Savior, born unto us, to save us from our sins and give us eternal life in Heaven. Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

Wonderful News!

Click HERE to read the wonderful news of the blessing that God has bestowed upon our family! 

We are so thankful that the Lord has heard the desires of my sisters' heart and has blessed her and my brother-in-law!  We covet your prayers for the next 6 months (and beyond) as they begin this new, incredible journey!

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing (Psalm 145:13-16 NIV).

8 Months!

Time flies when you are having fun...

Our precious little girl is 8 months old today!

Oh, how we love her so!!!

Guilt

It happened to me.  I failed as a parent.  The same words that have come out of my mouth “I would never let that happen” are now being eaten up….and they taste horrible!!!  I love my child and I would NEVER intentionally let any harm come to her, but yesterday I failed.  

Sierra fell.  In a matter of seconds, I took my eye off her and over she went, with a loud boom on the floor. Praise God that she is so resilient. I scooped her up and she cried for less than 20 seconds. Meanwhile, my heart is still suffering. I was shaking and crying and I ran in and woke up Brian to tell him. My dear husband is always reassuring, his response – “Don’t worry. She will fall many more times, like when she is older and she falls off her bike.” I appreciate his comforting words, but I still feel like I have let Sierra down as her mother. I didn’t protect her like I should have; because of me, she had to experience pain, even if it was for just a few seconds. 

I pray that God will heal my heart and help me to overcome the guilt that I feel right now.  It makes me wonder, is this how God feels when we, as His dear children, let Him down? If anything, this situation has taught me that 1. I need to work on being a better mother and 2. I really need to work on being a better child of God.  My heart is so heavy with guilt and shame.  I pray that Sierra will forgive me and more importantly that God will forgive me and help me to become better than I am.

Pearly Whites

That's right friends....Sierra has 2 new teeth!!!

She cut her first tooth around the first week in November and her second has been working its way in since about the same time.  It isn't in all the way yet though, but almost!  Teething has been okay so far.  Sierra had a few fussy days, but teething has not interrupted her sleep or her eating habits.  She is tolerating it like a champ!  Here she is showing off her new pearly whites (the first picture is from the day I felt the first tooth cutting through, you might have to click on the image to make it bigger to see anything.  The second two pictures are more recent)...

What else is there better to do with new teeth?  You guessed it...we get to start brushing now! Fun Fun Fun!!!