I am embarrassed to admit that we Miller's are
still church shopping. To keep admitting that, makes me wonder if we are just being too picky at this point. It could also be because we have NOT been around at all this summer on the weekends. I actually counted the other day and out of the 31 days in September, Sierra and I were only home 11 of those days, and most of them were weekdays because by the Grace of God, I only missed 1 day of class. Brian has been going out "church shopping" without us a bunch this summer, but as most of you know, it is hard to make a united decision with only one person.
Well, just a couple weeks ago, I started attending a Wednesday night Bible Study with one of my friends and I absolutely love it (more on that to come). I decided since I love the group so much and even am thinking about continuing with the next Wednesday night group as well; I thought I should try out the Sunday morning service. I went to the service this Sunday (alone, because B was working) and I really enjoyed the service, of course we will have to go back when Brian can come too. Well, for the first time EVER I put Sierra in the Nursery!!!
Since Sierra was born, we have always just kept her with us in the sanctuary during the service. Being so young, she has never really been disruptive and if she did either Brian or I would take her out quietly. Well, here I was all by myself and my friend who I attend with Wednesday night kindly showed me where the nursery was and where Sierra would go on Sunday morning, etc. I felt guilty and sort of obligated to put her in the nursery, although I know that was not my friend's intentions at all. You all might think I am crazy for saying this, but all morning I had to talk myself into going to church. I was so nervous, my stomach was in knots and I seriously thought I was going to get sick, just at the thought of leaving her all alone with strangers in the nursery.
Call her spoiled, call us crazy, whatever....but Sierra is 6 months old and she has never really been with any strangers. Brian's Aunt Paula watches her every once in a while when B's work schedule and my class schedule don't align right and I wouldn't call her a "stranger"; and other than that, I don't usually go anywhere when Brian can't be home with her and he doesn't really go anywhere if I can't be home with her. Of course we have our mommies group and we go to several things with them, but I am always within sight of Sierra; I was so worried about how she would do when she looked up and saw that I was gone.
Once I got there and got all signed in, they gave me a pager and told me she would be fine. They asked me where her bottle was and I politely told them that she does not have one and that I had just nursed her and she would not need to eat. They said okay and quickly made a note about that on her paperwork. Next, I said, please do not change her, she was just changed and should not need to be changed until later. Again, call us crazy, but we really don't think it is necessary for anyone (aside from family and close friends) to change our daughter; even if they "mean well". I think I need to be more stern about that request next time because as I was leaving the room, the head nursery lady told me that it is "mandatory" that they check the child and change the child before the parent returns to pick them up (and needless to say, they did change her diaper while I was at church). I can appreciate that fact, but I am not going to be the mother that accuses them of letting my child sit in a poopy diaper all morning, I guess I need to be more clear about that.
So, I took my pager and I headed off to service. At this point, my stomach was still in knots and I was doing much worse than Sierra, who as I lovingly kissed goodbye, just sat there and smiled as I walked away. I was sure that the pager was going to vibrate in my pocket at some point during the service. I made sure to sit in the back of the sanctuary and sit on the end of the row, so that I could hop up and run to her as soon as they paged me. Well, I am sure God was doing some work in me, especially as I spent the first 20 minutes of worship in prayer that he would calm my pounding heart and keep my baby safe. As the service went on and on, I realized, maybe this pager isn't going to go off after all, maybe she is having fun!
Indeed she did have fun! She made it through the entire service, and more importantly, I made it through the entire service. I don't know if I was more proud of her or of myself! I was soooo happy to see her when the service was over though. I quickly walked back to the nursery and saw her sitting in the exersaucer playing joyfully. I picked her up and she gave me a huge smile and threw her hands around my face. Maybe she did miss me just a little. I am so thankful that she did well and that I was able to attend the service. Worship was really good and I really got a lot out of the message. I am glad that I didn't give in to the devil toying with my emotions earlier that morning; God knew that I needed that worship time and I am sure in her own way, Sierra needed that time in the nursery as well. Ugh...she is growing so fast....what am I going to do when she goes to preschool???
