Happy 3 Year Homecoming!

Today marks 3 years since Daniel was called home to be with the Lord. I feel like I have been writing my emotions in my head for several weeks now; but now as I sit here to write it all out, I really am feeling emotionally drained. Every year since his passing (2007 and 2008), I have been writing to honor Daniel's memory; however this past year (the 3rd year of grief) has been the hardest year so far for me. I am not sure if it is because of I am fully coming to terms with all that happened 3 years ago, or if it has to do with watching my precious child grow, or if God is just slowly working on my healing heart. Whatever it is, healing is a slow process. I praise God daily for my loving husband who has listened and talked with me, held me when I cry, and just overall understands like no one else can.

I think one of the reasons this year has been so hard for me is because when Daniel was sick, I was so good at trying to be perfect. Hiding my fear, my emotions, my pain. You become almost numb when that happens and sooner or later it all catches up with you. Recently, my dear friend Courtney said something so profound to me. It was a conversation in passing, but it really rung true in my heart. She explained to me that as outsiders, it is really easy to look at me and my family and see how blessed we are with Sierra and a loving family, etc. She also explained how easy it is to forget all that has taken place in my life and all that I have endured. I thought about this and realized that this is often how I have lived as well. Not forgetting about Daniel by any means, but suppressing all my pain and emotions; trying to continue with that "perfect" persona. Don't get me wrong, we are called to worship and praise God for His blessings; but He also wants us to cry out to Him. When we are weak, He is strong!

Over the past several months, I have been listening to a song that has really spoken to my heart. It could definitely be my "life song." I praise God that I do not have to be perfect and know that He is ALWAYS perfect. Although we may not understand the ways of this world; His plan is truly perfection.

Perfect People

by Natalie Grant

Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see love. Let grace be enough

By a perfect God

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed

I am CHANGED! 3 years of being loved by a wonderful man; 3 years of battling a horrible illness and now 3 years of living without him. I am not the same and I thank God that I am not perfect and I don't have to be - Because HE already is!

Daniel, I miss you every day; until we meet again in eternity...enjoy Jesus for us!

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

~Revelation 21:4 NIV~