I have known many women that have battled the "baby blues" following pregnancy and being the girl that I am, I really thought I could avoid it.
Not saying that I am better than anyone else, but honestly I thought it just wouldn't happen to me, and even if it did, I would be really good at hiding it. I am not one that likes to cry around others, or even by myself. I have always thought that the only thing crying accomplishes is that it makes your nose run and your face look red and horrible.
However, yesterday afternoon, it hit me! Like a ton of bricks. I cried for about an hour by myself (Brian was napping) and then cried again on his shoulder for another 30 minutes. I can't explain why the crying is occurring, I am sure hormones have a lot to do with it; but also I am still battling so many emotions about what happened over the past week of my life.
Many people have asked how and what happened during our labor and delivery and honestly, I do plan to write Sierra's Birth Story, I just can't bring myself to getting it out yet. Every time I even start to think about writing it, I break down. I am afraid when I do get around to writing it, the post is going to be very "raw".
Please continue to pray for us. Don't get me wrong though, among the feelings of disappointment, wishing I was still pregnant and could go back and do something differently, and feeling like I let Brian and Sierra down; I am also over joyed and totally in love with my little package that arrived exactly how God planned, even if I don't understand it all here on this earth. I promise, her amazing birth story, which demonstrates how much God is ALWAYS in control will soon make its way to this blog soon.
7 comments:
Keep your head up... We're really proud of all the touch decisions you and Brian had to make.
We love you ALL! xo
My mantra during those early weeks (about the first 6, at least!) was "This too shall pass." The exhaustion, the weepiness, the soreness ALL over...it really does become a distant memory...so much so that you might even be willing to do it all over again! :)
I am so proud of you and KNOW that you are a fabulous mommy!
I love you!
P.S. And this will probably make you cry, too!
Karen, you are right, the baby blues are a real thing, and tough. Don't feel bad about crying...it's normal, and I spend much of the first few weeks in tears, sometimes of joy, other times of sadness, exhaustion, disappointment, pain, fear, happiness, grief, confusion, awe, guilt...every emotion you can think of! It's good to get it out and talk to people about it, and remember that this is just the first of many things not going the way you had planned or hoped. But praise God that He is in control and knows what's best for us, and our families! Email or call if you want to talk!
P.S. I am excited to hear Sierra's birth story and that amazing ways that God worked in your lives!
OH beautiful momma! Please know I've walked these shoes. I understand what you are talking about. My birth story with Maegan was less than ideal and caused me a c/section, and I was so bitter and hurt and felt so robbed of the experience I so desired. I was so angry at my midwives for inducing me, I felt I did not give birth, but rather, my daughter was cut from me... it was SO traumatic! I never cried about being a momma... that was the happiest feeling in the world. I cried that I was not able to deliver my baby the way I had so wanted. People tell me that it is selfish for me to feel that way... but it isn't... and you know what?! God loves us when we are honest about our disappointments. His plan is always best, but he understands our need to feel sadness over things that don't go our way. And being a momma is totally overwhelming. I was fortunate to have such an angel for a first baby, but there was one day hat I went totally nuts because she wouldn't latch correctly. My mom came in to the room to help me, I was sweating like a maniac, no shirt on, boobs all over the place and Maegan screaming blody murder at me! I was sobbing, my nose was running... it was quite a sight. Now I can look back and laugh, but at that point it was NOT funny and it was exhausting. Hang in there, and PLEASE feel free to call me. I've had three newborns, and emotions are a crazy thing! I love you to bits and am so proud of you! xoxoxo
I felt like I let everyone down as well! I felt so terribly inept. I also felt it was all my fault some how. I didn't even want to talk to people after the birth of Maegan (once I got home, I held up pretty well in the hospital), because I felt they'd judge me because had to have a c/s after 58 hours of labor. And with Wils, he went to the progressive care nursery due to swallowing fluid, and I felt that it was my fault, because I chose to have another c/s instead of try for a vbac... but I'd had 4 miscarriages, and I didn't want to take a chance of my uterus rupturing during labor and lose a 5th child... so I beat myself up for that as well. I think I did best after Mia. She came 2 days early by planned c/s. She was perfectly healthy and wonderful. I nearly crashed on the table... but even that didn't upset me. I was just so happy to have my three babies. I agree with Katie... "This too shall pass." I got through nursing one session at a time and ended up nursing Maegan until 24 months! Wils quit at 12 months, and Mia is still going strong at 4 months. Just know you have great resources in your friends and family... use us, that's what God put us here for! You are STRONG, you are WONDERFULLY MADE, and you are my HERO! ***big hugs***
HI Karen. My name is Sara-Beth and I was able to read your blog through Jenny Robertson's. She wrote you were having a baby and I love seeing new little ones. I was very struck with reading this post because I felt so much the same as you with my first daughter. I had really really really wanted a natural labor and delivery, but had to be induced at 42 weeks and had to have an epidural after 14 hours of labor. Labor, no matter how you go through it is an awesome but traumatic experience and you're absolutely right that it feels so raw afterwards. i remember scaring my sisters and friends who hadn't had babies telling them I never wanted to do that again :) God is good, though, as you said and even uses instances like these to show us he cares for us and he is the God who sees and knows and will do whats best in every situation. He also gives us mothers a "blessed amnesia" as the days, weeks, and months pass and we fall more and more in love with the precious ones he entrusts to us. I had my second daughter recently and, while it was still hard, I still struggled so much emotionally and physically post partum, it was 100 times easier just for knowing what to expect and also having better perspective on God's hand at work during my first l&d. Anyway, I will look forward to reading your birth story, for every one is a testimony to the God we serve, and praising him with you and your sweet family. Hang in there and, as many have already promised you, it gets better and better and easier and easier every day. God bless!
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